Archive for the 'Creative Writing' Category

Missing Mom on Mother’s Day

Published May 7, 2013 Creative Families , Creative Parenting , Creative Writing , Creativity Coaching , Essays , Holidays , Kids 5 Comments
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Mother’s Day is a great thing if you are a mom or if you have a mom. But if your mom is not in your life for any reason, Mother’s Day can be…tough. As Mother’s Day approaches, I think of my adoptive mother, who raised me until she died from pancreatic cancer when I was 24 and she was only 62. I’ve officially witnessed 20 Mother’s Days without her. I don’t remember the sound of her voice anymore. I don’t remember what perfume she wore or what she wanted to be when she grew up.

But I remember that she made me baths when I was sick or felt sad. I remember she never owned a pair of jeans and wore a size 8 wide shoe. I remember that she always told me I could go to college – when no one else in our family, including her, ever did. I remember that she made maroon and white pom-poms for my cheerleading team to put on our shoes for competitions in grade school. I remember that she was the kind of person who lit candles for special events and believed that homemade chicken noodle soup could cure anything. I remember that she wanted me to be a flight attendant and get married and have ‘something to fall back on’ in case the whole marriage thing (which I couldn’t do soon enough) didn’t work out. I remember that she was sad a lot. And I wanted so badly to make her happy. I tried all the time. And then she died.

my babies

my babies

She never got to live the life she really wanted – I’m not sure she really knew what that was until it was too late. She never met my children. She never saw me finish graduate school. She never got to know me when I got my head out of my butt and stopped being a stupid teenager. But I think of her every day and try to make my life count twice – once for me, and once for her. I owe her that.

I also think of my birth mom, who I was lucky enough to meet and get to know for two years. I wish her life had been easier. I wish her life had been better because she gave me up for adoption, which was a great choice since I am here to write this blog. :) But she struggled, too. I think of both of my mothers’ struggles,their lives, their hopes and dreams – and I feel very lucky to be here. My birth mom shared with me that she considered aborting me, among other options. But here I am today – a mom myself to a 13-year-old boy and a 11-year-old girl. I feel grateful to be here every day. I can’t tell you enough what a gift it is to be alive. But you’re here – you’re reading this. You know. Right?!

And I will tell you a secret, too: I was terrified to be a mother. I never thought about kids or getting married when I was growing up. I never thought I would be a ‘good mom.’ I’m still not sure that I am. :) None of us has a roadmap; kids don’t come with instructions. All we can do is what the poet Maya Angelou said: “When you know better, you do better.” She also said this:

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

I will tell you this: I make my husband do the Christmas lights. I cried the first time United lost my luggage (after I’d gotten stuck in Germany on a work trip and missed my 18th wedding anniversary last year); but lord knows I absolutely love a rainy day. I even have a rainy day playlist! I hope my mom understands that I never wanted to make a living and have something to fall back on – I wanted to make a life. I knew it when I was 5 years old and I know it now. I feel it in my bones. I hope I can give that to my children too and help them make a life. It’s what I live for.

I really try every day to do better. Some days I do better than others. I am trying to show my children what it means to be strong. To live. To be grateful. I am trying. The greatest gift I have received from being a mother? Understanding the gift of forgiveness and patience. We are all doing the best we can with what we have at any given moment. I always tell my kids – you never know what someone is dealing with ‘behind the scenes.’ We are all human. We are all good people who sometimes do bad things. This is life. And we are all in it together.

This is what I tell my children because it is what I know, what I believe in my heart to be true. I am a mother. This is what we do. We try. We love, despite. We never give up. We are tough. We believe in our children and want them to have better than we did. But mostly, we never, ever, ever give up.

To all your moms out there – xoxo. Be good to yourself, ladies. You deserve it.

 

Be more creative. Yes, you!

Published December 6, 2012 Copywriting , Creative Life , Creative Writing , Creativity Coaching , Design , Work Life Leave a Comment
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Do you see that guy? He's diving off of a platform about 120' up in the air into the ocean at Rick's Cafe in Jamaica. Creative? Stupid? Brave? You be the judge.

Do you see that guy? He’s diving off of a platform about 120′ up in the air into the ocean at Rick’s Cafe in Jamaica. Creative? Stupid? Brave? You be the judge. (I jumped off the 30′ cliff and was scared to death!!)

Being in a creative profession, I live, eat, sleep, breathe and dream creativity. It’s my job to be a master of my craft. I’ve spent 20+ years working on this – and every day I learn something new. That’s what I love about this journey that I’ve chosen to pursue. Along the way, I’ve had the opportunity to meet interesting, creative, smart, cool people – and every one of them has a story. One refrain that I hear a lot is, “I’m not creative at all! How do you do what you do, especially in a short timeframe?”

I want to dispel any misconceptions right here, right now: creativity is a gift that we all have. It just looks different in everyone. I happen to make a living with my creativity, so I’ve dedicated a lot of my energy and time to understanding it. Creativity is a muscle that needs to be developed, trained and used. But the important thing to know is that we all have this muscle. Whenever someone tells me they are not creative, it makes me want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them and say, OH YES YOU ARE! :)

So if you’ve ever thought that you are not creative at all or wish to add more creativity in your life, here are 7 tips that have worked for me – and I hope they work for you, too.

1. Be curious. Creativity comes from a burning desire to understand, to know, to dive deeper than the surface of everyday life. Ask more questions. No – question everything. I drive people crazy sometimes with my questions, but if I don’t understand, how can I help? Listen for opportunities to ask questions. A great example is when someone says, No, we can’t do that, it will never work. Or my favorite: but this is the way we’ve always done it. I always ask, why? I read an analogy once, that you don’t tear down a fence without first finding out why it’s there. Maybe it is old and falling down and serves no purpose. Fine, tear it down. But if it’s there to keep the cows from wandering off into the hills, the fence needs to stay. But if you don’t ask questions, you’re missing the good stuff. I always get nervous when I am teaching a class or interviewing a creative professional and ask if there are any questions – and I get crickets.

2. Recognize your own creative passions. When one friend told me she was not creative, I reminded her about her flair for cooking and creating new dishes. I then reminded her that I have burnt hard-boiled eggs. :) Another friend who is an engineer said the same thing. I reminded him that every time he was given a problem to solve with a new design, he was being creative. Cooking, engineering and knitting may not seem on the surface to be as creative as the work that a poet or an artist does, but you are using the same creative muscle, just for different outcomes.

3. Find what lights you up inside. My good friend and neighbor recently took up knitting with her daughter. As she talked about it, her face lit up, she talked excitedly, and she was happy. Think about what does that for you. It could be tinkering with a car. Maybe it’s decorating. Whatever activity you can do and completely lose yourself in, that’s your creative outlet and you need to find a way to do more of it in your life. As we get older, it’s tougher to find time for yourself, but creativity is as essential to life as air, water, food and shelter. Without it, we are simply not whole. What you did creativity at age 9 might still suit you at 49, but if not, look for something new. Commit to giving yourself the gift of an hour a week devoted to your creative passion.

4. Listen more than you talk. This is hard for me when I am in the mood to talk, especially after I’ve had 3 extra-large Dunkin Donuts black coffees. :) It also requires that you can be comfortable with silence. When I first became a manager, I turned to a good friend with excellent business sense and years of management experience to tell me what I needed to improve. He said, “Learn how to be quiet.” (I guess I talk too much around him LOL) But I realized that this is critical not just for managers but for people. When you listen, you have more time and energy to observe and pay attention to the little details that tell you more than words ever could. That’s what creativity is about: seeing and hearing the truth below the surface – then finding a way to interpret and reflect back what you see.

Being in a group setting for me is like drinking 3 extra-large coffees. I turn into the Energizer Bunny (look! He has his own bio!). But making time to sit quietly and listen helps me understand people better. I can study their gestures. Listen for good dialogue and story starts. Another friend who is a photographer takes photo walks – she wanders Chicago on her lunch hour and takes photos of what moves her. Take time to listen and observe. It doesn’t take much time. Every morning after my workout at the local YMCA, I walk to my car and simply stare up at the endless sky of orange, blue and gray. I see mist rising above the field. The sun shines warm on my face. I close my eyes and I let it all sink in. It never ceases to fill me with joy. It takes 60 seconds. Give yourself this gift. You deserve it!

5. Know your own creative process. My work requires that I create something out of nothing, often with insane deadlines. It is not a 9am – 5pm job. I need time to think. To simmer. I also need a deadline – usually the more urgent the better. I work better under pressure, otherwise, I will simmer forever because I love to live in creative simmering mode. I need large blocks of time to work through a first draft. I need music at some points in my process, but silence at others. I always need coffee. Some work I can only do at 3am. Some people need to talk through a creative challenge and bounce around ideas, then go off and work it through alone. Some people need to work in a coffee shop, while others need to work at home in their pajamas (hey, it works for Hugh Hefner!). The point is, think about what you need. Then follow and feed your process. You’ll be surprised at how much more creative – and productive – you will be.

6. Seek out new experiences. Get out of your comfort zone. Try a new class at the gym. Force yourself to drive a different way to work every day for a week. Take a weekend off from life and go somewhere new. Try a new activity. I’ve gone to pottery classes with an artist friend (and have a misshapen bowl to show for it), learn a new language. Think of it as cross-training your brain. Every new activity that pushes you out of your comfort zone helps you get more comfortable with ambiguity and change – where creativity thrives. The picture in this post is from my vacation to Jamaica in 2010 – that cliff diver was a professional, but I dove off of a 30′ cliff that was made for amateurs. I am not coordinated, so I hit the water ass first, which I liken to getting spanked by God. But it was so out of my ordinary life, spent behind a desk, that it energized me for weeks afterward and I wrote three short stories in a week. Even though I couldn’t sit down for three days afterwards, it was worth it. :)

7.  Make your creativity a priority. I know, we’re all busy. I can’t remember if I ate breakfast let alone what I had and refuse to tell you how often I forget things because my mind is so preoccupied with the details of family, work and life. (Let’s just say that I often drive past my exit on the expressway because I am lost in creative thought and am on a first-name basis with my bank, as they call me frequently to let me know they salvaged my debit card, which I left in the cash station machine.) So yeah, I know, it’s tough to fit in time for anything else. But know this: you need creativity. You need to lose yourself in a creative passion, reaching that ‘zen’ state where you lose track of time and lose yourself in your creative work. You will be a better spouse, friend and employee because you are doing what you love.

I apologize this is so long, but there’s so much more I could say, I never get tired of this topic. Please share what works for you, what your creative passion is and how you fit creativity into your life – or want to. Inspire us!!

Simplify your words. Simplify your life.

Published November 28, 2012 Business , Copywriting , Creative Life , Creative Writing , Creativity Coaching , Marketing , Social Commentary 4 Comments
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Do you ever feel like life has just gotten way too complicated? Between juggling 98 work projects, 5 conference calls daily, piano lessons, soccer practices and games, carpool, birthday parties, lunches and dinners for a family of four 7 days a week, dog groomings/shots/weird emergencies (MOM! The dog ate the nail clippers!! Again!!), kid emergencies (middle of the night throwing up, strange rashes, best friend drama, teen drama, crushes), homework assignments, permission slips, parent-teacher conferences, 400 email passwords, and 4 email inboxes bursting at the seams…let me just tell you that a ‘simple’ trip down the laundry detergent aisle of my local grocery store with 17 different detergent options made me recently abandon my shopping cart (there were no cold products in it, I’m happy to say) and walk out to my car and just put my head down on my steering wheel for five full minutes.

That’s why reading this article on simplicity in messaging cheered me up immensely. I am a HUGE fan of keeping it simple – simply read the first paragraph of this blog post and you’ll know why. Every new technology, new app, new ‘innovation’ requires more of me – more creative ‘strong’ passwords; more log-in security questions and answers (which in good writer fashion I have begun to fictionalize for fun); more brain power; more time to ‘learn’ the fabulous new program or platform…in fact, when I told a friend I was getting my first iPhone on Friday, he said, “Good! You’ll have the whole weekend to figure it out.”

Wait – did you hear that? It was the sound of my iPhone excitement balloon deflating.

So yes, I am a fan of simplicity. In messaging and in life. More choices do not always mean better choices. Many people and companies feel that the more ‘options’ they provide, the better. The more content they provide, the better. The more choices in customization, the better. But you know what people really want?

They want to walk into the store, grab a laundry detergent, and go home. That’s it.

This simple philosophy applies in messaging, in marketing (especially B2B!), and in life. I work with people who are way smarter than me who make really cool yet very complicated technology. But if you can’t communicate the benefits of that cool, complicated technology clearly and concisely – and in a way that stands out from the clutter of other cool, complicated technology on the market, it won’t sell. Period. This is true in any business and in life. If you need to convince anyone of something – whether it’s your kids, your customers or yourself – you have to keep it simple.

Here are five simple ways to make sure your message is clear, concise and memorable no matter who you’re talking to:

1. Will a six-year-old get it? The old rule in my writing classes was, write for a sixth grade audience. I say make it six years old. Today most six-year-olds are more technology savvy than we will ever be. Distilling your message down to a six-year-old’s understanding does not make you less smart, make your message less relevant or your product any less cool. It just helps the people who buy it understand why they should. It helps people understand why they should listen to you and do what you want them to do.

Don’t have a six-year-old handy to try this out on? Borrow a friend’s kid. Practice on a niece or nephew. If you can’t explain to them what you do or what you’re trying to say, you need to rethink your message.

2. Read your message out loud. Are you using three-syllable words when a one-syllable word would do? Are you just showing off your big vocabulary? Do sentences run on for a full paragraph? After you read your message out loud, do you know what you actually said? Or is it like trying to read a paragraph with six toddlers around – you read it seven times and you’re still not sure what it said? If you answered yes to any of the above, try again. Simplify, simplify, simplify.

3. What 3 key points do you want people to remember? The rule of three is well-known to fiction writers. You get three wishes. Three days to complete your mission. There are three sisters. You get the idea. Why is this? Because it’s easier to remember. And in some cases, the story could go on forever – like some presentations we’ve all suffered through. :) If you continually find yourself reiterating points, rambling, writing 5 pages of messaging when you know damn well you only have 3 minutes to talk, ask yourself: what 3 things do I want people to remember? Write those three things down. Go from there.

I’ll let you in on a secret: I used this trick on myself in my personal life. When I decided I wanted to lose my stress/baby/negligent weight gain “once and for all,” I gave myself 3 simple rules: no white carbs, no sugar, no processed food. It was easy. I could remember it. I didn’t need to track points, look up calorie counts, keep a food journal, spend thousands of dollars on expensive prepared meals. All stuff that I don’t have the patience for. Not that I knock formal programs – whatever works for you. But I’m a simple gal. The power of 3 simple rules worked for me. I lost 40 pounds and have kept it off for almost two years now. I wouldn’t suggest this to you if I hadn’t tried it on myself, you know.

4. Is it memorable? Is it different? There are a lot of great writers in the world. But there are a select few who know how to write a headline, a phrase, or a question that just sticks with people. They remember it. In marketing, we call this your point of differentiation or value wedge. In real life, it’s called, what makes you different from everyone else? Find that. Work it. It could be a strong personal story or compelling statistic. For public speakers, it might be their delivery. Find something that is unique to you, authentic to your story or compelling in some way to your audience (not just you). Not offensive. Not questionable. Not over-sharing. Just – memorable. Honest. Simple. What will make your message different from what everyone else will say?

I remember when I was in graduate school studying for my MFA in Creative Writing, this fear came up a lot and I was no exception: what I have to say isn’t different, it’s been said before, it’s unoriginal, blah blah blah. The thing is, there are no original stories. The only thing that makes them different is your perspective, your experience of it. It’s the one thing that differentiates you from everyone else: you. Which leads me to the last point…

5. Does it reflect the real you? This is probably the toughest one for everyone, myself included. If you’re not typically perceived as a comedian, don’t force the jokes. If you’re a lighthearted, madcap creative person, don’t try to pull off a professor approach. Just be you. Find a story from your life that symbolizes what you’re trying to convey and also shows the ‘real’ you. There are times when you need to ‘fake it until you make it,’ but when you want to communicate a message, persuade or convince someone, this is not the time to be fake. This is the time to be you. This is what people will remember. After all, if you’re not OK with you, why should anyone else be?

I hope this helps you find the right way to tell your story, whether it’s for investors, customers, your kids, or yourself. Just so you know, the picture in my post is a sign that my 11-year-old daughter bought with her own money at a charity event. It says “Be Amazing.” It hangs right next to her bed with other pictures that inspire and enlighten her. It doesn’t get any more simple than that, does it?

So the next time you need to say something, just remember:  Be clear. Be simple. Be you. And above all, be amazing. :)

feeling lost? think back to when you were 9

Published September 5, 2012 Creative Life , Creative Writing , Creativity Coaching , Essays , Social Commentary , Work Life 1 Comment
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When I was nine years old, I thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up. After exploring options like veterinarian, teacher and librarian, I finally settled on one thought: I want to write things that make people think.

Flash forward…a lot of years. I am now helping really smart people build compelling stories about very complex products. A big part of my job involves being a good listener. I listen to engineers talk about the fantastic, creative products they have dreamt up, designed and built, then created with the help of a team of other really smart people. I extract what I know will make a great story and help them build it with the tools and techniques I have honed through…a lot of years of studying the works of great writers and building stories for many companies.

There is nothing more satisfying to me than helping someone tell their story – whether it is a biography, a product messaging platform focused on the customer’s needs, or a white paper on the benefits of 40G or Class 4 antennas. Recently, I helped a team hone the strategic message for a new product launch. The product is cool, innovative and complex. At the end of a two-day messaging session with a team of eight, the leader of the team delivered a pitch based on the foundation we had just built that was clear, concise, and truly compelling. It truly confirmed that I am doing exactly what I set out to do: write things that make people think.

But it’s more than that – it’s about making people look at the way the way they tell their stories – about their products, about themselves – in a way that moves people. We are so jaded as a society, authenticity is the only way to be heard, to make an impact, whether it’s to become more authentic as a creative professional or to tell a more compelling brand story, find a way into the plot or the painting or any other creative expression. It is about watching people become more open and comfortable telling their story in a way that matters. I help people give words to their story so their voice will be heard through the clutter of blogs, social media, reality TV shows and 20 million channels of clutter. My work is about helping others give voice to ideas, to technology, to new ways of thinking. I am always honored to be a witness and participant in this process.

At nine years old, I didn’t know what my vision would look like…many years later. :) But I feel blessed to know that I had a vision. And that I am able to use it every day.

If you are feeling lost, think about your vision of your life when you were nine years old. What did you want to do? What did you hope for? You may be surprised to find that you are already doing it. If not, ask yourself why. Then go for it.

the power of doing nothing

Published August 22, 2012 Creative Families , Creative Life , Creative Parenting , Creative Writing , Creativity Coaching , Essays , Work Life 4 Comments
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As a creative professional, I’m constantly faced with new challenges and decisions: what’s the best way to tell this brand story? What will resonate most with the audience? What will make them laugh, cry, comment on Facebook or order the product I am helping to market? What’s the best way to get all the different people on the project engaged and aligned? But the toughest challenge by far for any project I work on is this: where do I start?

This is where the power of doing nothing is absolutely critical. Everyone has a process that they use to get things done. I’m no exception. Doing nothing is a big part of my process, especially when I am faced with what seems to be an overwhelming task. I find that this has been helpful in even in my regular life. When I am most overwhelmed and uncertain where to begin, I start by doing…nothing.

I sit in my screened-in porch. I take in the swaying oak trees taller and older than I will ever be. I let the whoosh of the wind in the leaves wash over me. I watch the flash of the red cardinal darting in and out of the bushes. I listen for squirrels’ feet padding along the top of my neighbor’s falling-down wooden fence in desperate need of paint, then watch them chase each other in circles around my yard and up a tree. I watch my dopey 110-pound dog try to catch them, climbing damn near two feet up the tree with her huge claws dug into the bark as she strains every muscle in her neck to reach the squirrel chattering, taunting her from a branch one dog nostril out of her reach. I listen to music that moves me and baptizes my brain of everything but the rhythm and the pattern of the harmonies. As the lyrics wash over me, I feel the worry and the fear – Will I be able to do this? Will I find the right words? Will I ever find my way in to this story? Maybe I don’t have it anymore. Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe this is too much. Maybe I should give up. – all of that recedes as my brain powers down, forgets, feels, senses its way to…

…the answer I have been toiling to reach for hours or days to reach. It is murky and mysterious at first, I can’t make out what it is. So I make a grilled cheese sandwich, go sit down in the family room and stare out the bay window at the trees trying to see it until I smell something burning and remember I was making a grilled cheese sandwich. I toss it in the trash and walk the dopey dog around the pond. As I watch the ducks take flight from the water, tiny droplets falling from their webbed feet as they rise into the air in perfect unison, I feel the idea growing in me as sure as I felt my first-born flutter in my belly for the first time as I sat in a poetry reading 12 years ago. (He was stirred by the words, of this I am certain.) The idea is there. But it’s not ready yet. I’m not ready yet.

At six o’clock I make dinner and as I stir a pot of rice, my idea simmers as I wait for the water to boil. I sit at the dinner table and listen to tales of best friend sacrileges, Minecraft dramas, and remind everyone to keep their elbows off the table and put their napkins in their laps. I make sure homework is done, permission slips are signed, teeth are brushed, allergy medicine is consumed, and everyone is tucked in happy with all technology devices powered off and out of reach.

At midnight when the house is quiet and dark and no one needs me anymore, I drive to the grocery store and buy a case of Stella for me and a carton of Oreo Cookie Ice Cream for the kids and as I’m paying, the old, bored cashier with her spiky hairdo and bubblegum-pink lipstick and more gold bracelets than any human should be allowed to wear at one time surveys me in my sweats, t-shirt and converse sneakers with my beer and ice cream purchase and I know what she is thinking. This girl has just been dumped by the love of her life and is now off to drown and eat her sorrows away. I grin and shrug my shoulders in a sheepish “sorry no, these are my writing clothes” kind of way that writers learn to master over the years. And as I swipe my credit card – then dutifully swipe it again because I did it upside down the first time, the flicker of the idea flaps its tiny wings, becoming more clear, more recognizable as it slowly takes shape and floats to the surface, creating ripples of recognition.

I am ready to start. Ready to write. Ready to tackle that overwhelming challenge. I have found my way in.

I once attended a reading by David Sedaris, humorist, essayist, NPR speaker and one of my favorite authors (“Me Talk Pretty One Day,” among others). Afterwards, my friend and I waited in line for him to sign our books. After he scribbled a lewd drawing on my friend’s book for her twelve-year-old son and made a wisecrack I can’t repeat, I handed him my book and asked him what the toughest part was about writing funny. He told me about having to write a Thanksgiving dinner story for the New Yorker and how many times and ways he tried to start it. People behind me were impatient and muttering, but he took his time telling his story. I hung on every word. Finally he said, “The hardest part? Finding my way in.”

Next time you are feeling overwhelmed, unsure of where to start, try doing nothing. I hope you find your way in. Let me know how it goes.

7 comebacks for why you are not writing or finishing your book that just might trigger you to start writing again

Published May 23, 2011 Creative Life , Creative Writing , Fun , Work Life 2 Comments
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Let’s say you are a writer and that, at some point, you have told your friends or family that you wanted to or were writing a book. Chances are pretty good that someone at some point has asked you how said book is going, if you are still writing, are you published, or another variation on, “Well, when the hell are you going to finish that thing already?!”

Now, we all assume that these kind-hearted souls are trying to be supportive. But let’s say that the moment they ask you this, your writing or otherwise so-called creative life is as off track as your exercise life, and you feel like you’ve been caught by your Weight Watchers sponsor on the couch with a box of doughnuts in one hand and a super size DQ Blizzard in the other while watching Biggest Loser.  

I feel your pain.

Now pass me a Long John because I have good news. Since I am very busy not writing my book right this minute, I have concocted 7 snappy little comebacks you can whip out when people ask you if you are writing, finishing or publishing your book. And the best part is, most of them are actually writerly exercises in disguise, which may or may not prompt you to start writing again.

So the next time anyone asks why you are not writing or finishing your book, you will respond:

I am not writing or finishing my book because…

1. “I have never recovered from…” You can either finish this statement with a fictional disaster–being raised by a wild pack of roosters–or simply shake your head and wave the person away for it is simply too awful to contemplate let alone speak of it. Every time someone asks you why you haven’t finished your project, it implies that there is something wrong with you. No one likes failed expectations. So give the people what they really want: a chance to speculate on what is wrong with you. Is it a disease? Is there a cheating spouse? Is this a manifestation of something terrible that happened in childhood? (Cue the roosters.) This can lead to juicy gossip and if you’re lucky, even better fiction than you could have dreamed up alone on the couch slurping your DQ Blizzard.

2. “I’m swamped at the alpaca farm!” Sometimes, you have to lie to get people off your back. And that’s OK, because we’re writers, we make sh*t up all the time. Consider it writing practice! It’s good for you to flex your tall tale muscles as often as possible. Just make sure it’s a VERY tall tale, because if you start mumbling about being busy with work and the kids and laundry blah blah blah, people will hassle you because you have disappointed them (see failed expectations in comeback #1). If you’re a writer, you had better have a damn good excuse for not writing. So you need a distraction. You need to lie.

If you’re very good at it, they will forget about the book and become fascinated with your new life on the alpaca farm. And you just might have a new story on your hands.

3. “I can’t live without the anticipation.” You can follow this up by stating that unlike the rest of the world, you rather enjoy waiting–at the doctor’s office, at the vet, in line at the bank, and especially at  Six Flags Great America and Disneyland. On Christmas morning, you are the last one to open your gifts. Sometimes you even wait until the next Christmas to open them. Waiting is the best part and you’ve got nothin’ but time. You are one big Heinz Ketchup bottle of Anticipation, baby. Bring it!

4. “I’m afraid success may change me.” Everyone already knows what it feels like to fail–personally, I have the editors’ rejection letters to prove it. But if you write a Harry Potter or Twilight and knock it out of the park, there is a 50/50 chance you might become one of those doomed “The Lottery Changed My Life” people and end up drinking yourself to death in a motel room in Vegas, broke and alone, while the few people who actually remember you say, “Wow, if only she hadn’t hit success with that big fat book, she might still be here today, giving us gambling money.”

Hopefully by the time you explain this, people will have moved on to the slot machine and you and your failed expectations will be long forgotten. If not, see “You need a distraction” in #3. I recommend yelling, “Tequila shots for everyone? Wow, thanks <insert friend’s name here>.” (Be sure to invite me if you’re going to use that one.)

5. ”I am currently extrapolating the dilemma of good vs. evil in a postmodern yet dialectic society that is analogous to Planet of the Apes.” You will probably only have to add one more nonsensical sentence before the audience’s eyes glaze over. All they will remember is the last thing you said, Planet of the Apes, and this is good because it acts as a transitional element for them to change the conversation to anything other than your writing.

This will be good practice for you if you have not done a reading in front of a live audience. It’s important to know exactly where in your writing people tuned out. WARNING: This is probably the best way to ensure that someone NEVER asks you about your book or your writing again, so use it wisely.

6. “But sweetie, writing takes me away from you for far too long!” Add a sweet smile at the end and you might just get lucky. But if you don’t, or you’re just pissed off and sick of people asking you about your damn writing, go with #7:

7. “My book is about you.” Immediately let out a forlorn sigh and stare off in the distance as if you are struggling with a mighty dilemma. At that point, the other person will either A. slap you, B. call a lawyer, C. cry, D. slap you again, or E. all of the above. Which means–you guessed it–you need a distraction. See “tequila shots” in #4.

And that’s it my friends, seven snappy, snarky little comebacks you can whip out at a moment’s notice when you are caught red-handed, not writing. Perhaps you have been inspired by all of these exciting potential confrontations. If so, get back to your chair and start writing again. If not, I say go for the tequila. There’s always a good story after tequila. :)

How to stop hating someone who is more successful than you?

Published April 4, 2011 Copywriting , Creative Life , Creative Writing , Work Life 6 Comments
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So last weekend I’m at the bookstore–remember those? so quaint! so old-fashioned!–checking out the Best American Essays and short story collections when I see it: a black soft cover book with cool illustrations in embossed ink on the cover. The kind you just don’t see anymore on books (or maybe you do only it doesn’t look as cool on an iPad or Kindle or the Nookie, as my technology virgin sister calls the Nook).

I picked up the book. Cool illustrations, cool title. And then I see the author’s name and I think: A**HOLE!!

I know. Hardly my proudest moment. But it’s the first thing that popped into my head, unprompted, unwanted, unexpected. No, he wasn’t an ex-lover who did me wrong. It’s much, much worse. We were in graduate school together, he’s younger than me, he’s had three books published and is a professor of fiction. He’s everything I thought I wanted to be when I grew up. Every. Single. Damn. Thing.

Jerk.

Three books! All with similarly cool titles! The kind I wish I’d thought of! And quirky, deep characters! With interesting plot lines that peel back life layer by layer! And best of all, prose that I admire, with sentences and descriptions I read twice or more just because they were THAT good!

*sigh*

He has glowing recommendations from the New York Book Review, the New York Times, blah blah blah. And he deserves every single bit of praise. So why do I hate him? Where is all this hostility coming from, anyway?

Wasn’t I the one who, just two weeks ago, responded to someone who asked if I still wrote fiction ‘on the side’ that “my day job writing is enough for me?” Wasn’t it moi who told a friend I was OK with not picking up where I left off on my last book because I feel like I’ve said everything I wanted to say??

I don’t really hate this guy, but for the sake of my sanity and for fun, let’s call him BoBo. I actually like BoBo. He was very nice in the classes we had together; he accepted praise for his work with humility; to pay for school, he worked a couple of menial, low-paying jobs that gave him time to write. BoBo was smart, funny, and wicked with words on the page even back then. Everyone liked him. Even me.

I don’t regret him an ounce of his success. (Mostly.) It’s just funny, because every time I think I’ve finally gotten to the point in my life where it’s OK if I’m not writing, BoBo pops up with an interview in the literary section of the Chicago Tribune, or at an alumni reading, or on the damn bookshelf in my local bookstore, or winning yet another literary contest, reminding me of something I left behind that maybe–just maybe–I’m not ready to leave yet.

Damn you, Bobo.

Years ago, I remember asking an older copywriter (40-something, ha ha! I thought that was so old when I was 23) that I worked with whether she still wrote fiction or poetry. She said, “Nah. I finally gave myself permission to let that go, and I’ve been much happier ever since.” As I get “older,” I come back to her answer now and again, thinking–is this the year I can cut myself some slack? Is this the year I’ll be able to let go of what feels like an outdated dream so I can move on to something else or just be happy with where I am?

And then I see another book or interview with BoBo and I want to rip his eyes out all over again. This can’t be healthy. After I calm down, I realize, wait, maybe I do want to go back to that book project. Maybe there was something to that short story I abandoned like last night’s leftovers. Maybe there is still hope for me to write more of my own words and less of someone else’s. Maybe I can see BoBo and congratulate him on his hard-earned success instead of bemoaning my unfinished business.

It’s different too because, at 42, I’m halfway through my life (if I’m lucky and don’t get hit by a bus tomorrow, in which case, this would be  a crappy last blog post, I would prefer to go out on a high note not some rambling bitch fest). If I want this to happen, I need to get on it already. Or let it go gracefully.

Am I the only one who feels this way? I can’t be. There are millions of people out in the world–that’s a lot of unfulfilled, unrealized dreams haunting the universe. Sure, OK, we all make choices. I remember the moment in my sophomore year in college when I switched majors from creative writing to professional writing, thinking–I want to be able to support myself and never have to rely on anyone else ever again. And I like to eat, so I better do something where I can actually get paid. Fortunately, I realized this dream–being able to support my family with my words in today’s unpredictable business landscape feels less like a dream and more like a gift. But it was my choice. And it was a good one, for me and for my family.

So I’ve decided that starting today, I’m going to try to stop beating myself up, redirect my anger, stop hating on BoBo, and revisit my personal writing projects. I’m also going to read BoBo’s latest book and see what that crafty little devil is up to now that will inspire me. And maybe secretly I hope that every time I loosen my grip on my dream, BoBo will pop up again, reminding me of what’s important and why it matters that I pay attention when I get so damn pissed off about something. Reminding me that maybe I have something left to say after all. Or at the very least, that I can someday see his name on a book cover and think, “Way to go, BoBo!” and not, ”Again?? You bastard!”

Post script: As I checked out, the clerk looked over the cover of the book and said, “Interesting.” I said, “Definitely. I went to school with that guy. He’s really good.” Would have never happened if I’d just downloaded it on my Nookie.

How to avoid creative burnout

Published December 8, 2010 Creative Life , Creative Writing , Creativity Coaching , Marketing 5 Comments
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Once as a freelance marketing writer, I agreed to a ridiculously insane deadline. (As opposed to a regularly insane deadline.) At 4:36PM on a Thursday, I was asked to solve a huge creative conundrum by 8:30am the next day. I was provided with three previously failed concepts and asked to “make them all work.” Somehow, someway. And if I had time, (ha!) maybe I could also come up with “a few” concepts of my own.

This to me was akin to working with both arms tied behind my back and a coyote chewing on my foot. With a paycheck at the end if I could get my hands untied and kick the coyote to kingdom come.

I worked all night. By 8:27am, I met the parameters and the deadline. I had successfully compressed the creative process, but the results could have been so much better if I had just had more time. And sleep. This is an excellent recipe for creative burnout.

While there will always be crunch times and projects, it’s never good if your entire working life is one ridiculously insane deadline after another. If you don’t take control of your creative life and deadlines, burnout is inevitable. So to help save your sanity, here are a few tips I’ve learned along the way…the hard way:

1. Don’t be afraid to abandon ideas. You might not be burnt out; maybe you’re simply tired of beating a dead horse. Sometimes you can find a way to make an idea work–some hidden angle or connection that comes with a fresh eye. But if it takes longer than say, 15 minutes, move on. You can always come back to it later–as in, for another project with a longer deadline and a completely different strategy.

2. Don’t taint the creative process. The worst thing you can do at the beginning of a new project is to focus on previous failed attempts. It’s like saying, “Ok, so here’s what didn’t work, what failed, what sucked. Now let’s find a way to make it work!”  Uh huh.

Start with the facts–the strategy, the objective, the primary goal or message. If the old ideas still have a shot, run with it. For 15 minutes. Then move on. Later you can ask what was tried before and what sucked, especially if you’re burnt out and need a giggle.

3. Ask for more time. It never hurts to ask what’s driving the deadline or if it’s a hard deadline. More often than not, you can get extra time–but not if you don’t ask up front. Sure, some of us ”need” deadlines to get things done. And you shouldn’t be a diva, constantly pushing back on deadline requests. But if you don’t give yourself enough time to think and simmer, the process will take longer, you’ll be miserable and…hello, burnout!

4. Say no. I still remember my grandmother, who grew up during the Great Depression, chiding me as a child for not eating my bread crusts, saying, “You never know when you might wish you had them.” This attitude permeates my work life, where I hate to say no to projects. But there are only so many things you can do at once before you lose your mind and your motivation.

It helps to “qualify your leads” ahead of time. Determine what your ideal sweet spot is for clients or projects–what’s most profitable for you? What’s your niche? Who is your ideal client? Define it all. Once you have these rules in place, it’s much easier to say no up front, before you overcommit or regret committing altogether.

5. Keep your creative warehouse full. All work and no play is the fastest way to drain your creativity. Read a little bit of everything you can get your hands on–blogs, magazines, newspapers, books, articles, white papers. Watch a little bit of everything you have time for–videos, vlogs, TV, movies. And most of all, be sure to get out from behind your desk and experience life. Live a little. It’s one of the best way to banish the creative burnout blues.

6. Identify your role in the insanity. I’ve already told you mine–I hate to turn down work, so I take on too much or too much of the wrong kinds of projects. It might be your fear of asking more questions or pushing back on direction that’s not clear. Analyze your last few crazy projects–what could you have done differently to make things less crazy?

7. Laugh. If you don’t, you’ll be crabby and crazy from your deadline. Boo hoo. So turn that frown upside down, call a funny friend, make fun of your worst concepts, crack a joke at your own expense. Creative relief, or at the very least, a little fun, is sure to follow.

How do you handle creative burnout when it happens? How do you prevent it? Enquiring minds want to know!

What you really mean when you say “I’m not creative”

Published December 1, 2010 Creative Life , Creative Writing , Creativity Coaching , Marketing , Social Commentary 3 Comments
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Over the years, I’ve heard countless people tell me that they are not creative. This always surprises and amuses me. What I’ve found is that this phrase is often used for other purposes. For example:

As a disclaimer: “I’m not creative, okay, but here’s my idea…”.

To soften a request: “I think we should use my headline instead of yours. I mean, I’m not creative, but I think it works better.”

To avoid work: “I can’t help you with this. I’m not creative.”

To sum up a vague objection: “I don’t like the bird graphic/the color purple/this story…but well, maybe it’s because I’m not creative.”

As a sarcastic jibe: “Yes, I saw your artwork/design/story. I’m not creative though, so maybe that’s why I don’t get it/like it/care.

To mask anxiety: “I’m a logistical person. I’m not creative. What do I know?”

So what does “being creative” really mean?
Everyone is creative. But “to be creative” means different things to different people. At its heart, creativity is about:

  • Curiosity: you want to know about people, places and things
  • Risk: you are willing to take a chance on things and ideas that are important to you; that includes speaking up and taking action when it matters
  • Reflection: thinking feeds ideas which feeds creativity
  • Patience: sometimes you have to wait for ideas to come and trust that they will come
  • Listening: sharing ideas requires a willingness to hear what someone else has to say without judgment
  • Passion: passion fuels inspiration which fuels creativity

Notice how I didn’t mention anything related to writing, artwork, painting, sculpture, design…all of those activities that are typically labeled as “creative.” Just because I’m a writer does that make me any more creative than a software developer who creates a cool app? Or a scientist who makes a major breakthrough in cancer research? Or a mom who finds a way to get her kids in the car without tantrums?

Exactly. Creativity is not something you either have or don’t have. We are all creative. Take a look at your own work and life and see all the ways, big and small, that you are creative. Use the six qualities above as a check list. You might be surprised at how creative you really are.

What does “being creative” mean to you?

No Halloween costume? No worries! All you need is sarcasm and a smile.

Published October 28, 2010 Creative Life , Creative Writing , Fun , Holidays 4 Comments
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You may remember the Lawn Lady, a gigantic lawn statue in front of a house in town. Last time we saw her, she was wearing a Cubs/Sox outfit. Now she’s in the spirit of the season in her Halloween costume. I have no idea what it is, but it sure is festive.

Speaking of which, what are you going to be for Halloween? Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who “don’t believe” in dressing up, where’s the fun in that! You don’t have any ideas, you say? No money for costumes? You’re allergic to craft projects? No problem! I’ve whipped up a few suggestions that are all 100% free, so you don’t need a crappy, overpriced store-bought costume or good craft genes. Here we go:

1. Be your boss. At work. What the heck, be your boss for the whole day! Get to work early, sit at his desk, take her meetings and calls, walk around the office muttering and bossing people around with inane orders like, “Fix those damn GPS reports!” and “Who scheduled the meeting I cancelled to discuss the meeting about last week’s meeting?” and “Powerpoints! We NEED MORE POWERPOINTS!” Eat other people’s lunches out of the fridge. Eat all the Halloween candy. You’re the boss, go for broke! Before you get fired.

2. Be your dog. Wear a spike collar and a retractable leash. Bark. Chase your co-workers. Bark. Chase your imaginary tail. Bark. Chase squirrels. Chase your tail again. Whine to go out. Whine to come in. Get a squeaky dog toy and squeak it every 5 seconds for 20 seconds. Whine to go out again. Pee on your neighbor’s lawn. Whine to come back in. No humping or butt sniffing, though. You want to have fun, not end up in jail.

3. Be your cat. Wear a collar with a little bell. Lick your hands. Repeatedly. Stare at people when they stare at you licking your hands. Lick your hands some more. Ignore people. Hiss at random and unexpected moments, like when people wish you a good morning or happy Halloween or when the cashier hands you your change. To really take it up a notch, cover yourself in cat nip. (Disclaimer: Author is not responsible for…whatever might happen to you.)

4. Be your kids. Talk like them, dress like them, whine like them. If they are young, be goofy. Wear their shoes on your hands, strap on a couple of diapers in odd places. Wrap a bib on your head. Wear six shirts at once and put your pants on backwards. If they are teenagers, it’s even easier–just be more of yourself than usual, they will be MORTIFIED.

If you’re a perfectionist go-getter, take it to the next level. Wear their clothes and shoes, keep their phone in one ear, music player in the other, plaster a sullen look on your face and say, “I’m bored” 100 times. Roll your eyes. Smirk. Roll your eyes again. Leave your dirty dishes in the sink and your dirty clothes on the floor in their room. Follow them around the house begging them to drive you places and give you money. Roll your eyes. It’s payback time!

5. Be extra enthusiastic. This one is super easy. All day long, be super positive, super happy, super perky, super fun. In fact, say the word “super” a lot. Other words that work: excellent, definitely, absolutely, you bet. End every sentence with a question: “It’s a beautiful day, right?” or, “Are you going to eat the rest of that pickle, isn’t it fabulous?”

Hand out compliments for everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. “Nice cuticles! Cute mole! Wow, what interesting ears you have.” Be positive and cheer on your fellow humans in every endeavor: “Way to walk down the bus aisle and not fall flat on your face!” Offer cheerful predictions at every turn: “That cigarette is going to kill you. But not today!”

If you make it to the end of the day without getting fired, sniffed, licked, Facebooked or smacked, well, bless your heart and have a happy Halloween.

 

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