Archive for the 'Fun' Category

7 comebacks for why you are not writing or finishing your book that just might trigger you to start writing again

Published May 23, 2011 Creative Life , Creative Writing , Fun , Work Life 1 Comment
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Let’s say you are a writer and that, at some point, you have told your friends or family that you wanted to or were writing a book. Chances are pretty good that someone at some point has asked you how said book is going, if you are still writing, are you published, or another variation on, “Well, when the hell are you going to finish that thing already?!”

Now, we all assume that these kind-hearted souls are trying to be supportive. But let’s say that the moment they ask you this, your writing or otherwise so-called creative life is as off track as your exercise life, and you feel like you’ve been caught by your Weight Watchers sponsor on the couch with a box of doughnuts in one hand and a super size DQ Blizzard in the other while watching Biggest Loser.  

I feel your pain.

Now pass me a Long John because I have good news. Since I am very busy not writing my book right this minute, I have concocted 7 snappy little comebacks you can whip out when people ask you if you are writing, finishing or publishing your book. And the best part is, most of them are actually writerly exercises in disguise, which may or may not prompt you to start writing again.

So the next time anyone asks why you are not writing or finishing your book, you will respond:

I am not writing or finishing my book because…

1. “I have never recovered from…” You can either finish this statement with a fictional disaster–being raised by a wild pack of roosters–or simply shake your head and wave the person away for it is simply too awful to contemplate let alone speak of it. Every time someone asks you why you haven’t finished your project, it implies that there is something wrong with you. No one likes failed expectations. So give the people what they really want: a chance to speculate on what is wrong with you. Is it a disease? Is there a cheating spouse? Is this a manifestation of something terrible that happened in childhood? (Cue the roosters.) This can lead to juicy gossip and if you’re lucky, even better fiction than you could have dreamed up alone on the couch slurping your DQ Blizzard.

2. “I’m swamped at the alpaca farm!” Sometimes, you have to lie to get people off your back. And that’s OK, because we’re writers, we make sh*t up all the time. Consider it writing practice! It’s good for you to flex your tall tale muscles as often as possible. Just make sure it’s a VERY tall tale, because if you start mumbling about being busy with work and the kids and laundry blah blah blah, people will hassle you because you have disappointed them (see failed expectations in comeback #1). If you’re a writer, you had better have a damn good excuse for not writing. So you need a distraction. You need to lie.

If you’re very good at it, they will forget about the book and become fascinated with your new life on the alpaca farm. And you just might have a new story on your hands.

3. “I can’t live without the anticipation.” You can follow this up by stating that unlike the rest of the world, you rather enjoy waiting–at the doctor’s office, at the vet, in line at the bank, and especially at  Six Flags Great America and Disneyland. On Christmas morning, you are the last one to open your gifts. Sometimes you even wait until the next Christmas to open them. Waiting is the best part and you’ve got nothin’ but time. You are one big Heinz Ketchup bottle of Anticipation, baby. Bring it!

4. “I’m afraid success may change me.” Everyone already knows what it feels like to fail–personally, I have the editors’ rejection letters to prove it. But if you write a Harry Potter or Twilight and knock it out of the park, there is a 50/50 chance you might become one of those doomed “The Lottery Changed My Life” people and end up drinking yourself to death in a motel room in Vegas, broke and alone, while the few people who actually remember you say, “Wow, if only she hadn’t hit success with that big fat book, she might still be here today, giving us gambling money.”

Hopefully by the time you explain this, people will have moved on to the slot machine and you and your failed expectations will be long forgotten. If not, see “You need a distraction” in #3. I recommend yelling, “Tequila shots for everyone? Wow, thanks <insert friend’s name here>.” (Be sure to invite me if you’re going to use that one.)

5. ”I am currently extrapolating the dilemma of good vs. evil in a postmodern yet dialectic society that is analogous to Planet of the Apes.” You will probably only have to add one more nonsensical sentence before the audience’s eyes glaze over. All they will remember is the last thing you said, Planet of the Apes, and this is good because it acts as a transitional element for them to change the conversation to anything other than your writing.

This will be good practice for you if you have not done a reading in front of a live audience. It’s important to know exactly where in your writing people tuned out. WARNING: This is probably the best way to ensure that someone NEVER asks you about your book or your writing again, so use it wisely.

6. “But sweetie, writing takes me away from you for far too long!” Add a sweet smile at the end and you might just get lucky. But if you don’t, or you’re just pissed off and sick of people asking you about your damn writing, go with #7:

7. “My book is about you.” Immediately let out a forlorn sigh and stare off in the distance as if you are struggling with a mighty dilemma. At that point, the other person will either A. slap you, B. call a lawyer, C. cry, D. slap you again, or E. all of the above. Which means–you guessed it–you need a distraction. See “tequila shots” in #4.

And that’s it my friends, seven snappy, snarky little comebacks you can whip out at a moment’s notice when you are caught red-handed, not writing. Perhaps you have been inspired by all of these exciting potential confrontations. If so, get back to your chair and start writing again. If not, I say go for the tequila. There’s always a good story after tequila. :)

What your email signature says about you

Published April 18, 2011 Fun , Marketing 8 Comments
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As a writer, I notice little things. As a marketer, I notice little things, too. One of the biggest little things I am actually paid to notice is your email signature–the way you sign your emails as well as the block of information that may or may not be included after it. People like me are sometimes referred to, semi-jokingly, as the “brand police” who send fellow employees notes about how their email signature is “not in compliance” with the corporate standard, i.e., no Dilbert cartoons on email sigs, buddy!

You can tell a lot by how someone signs their email. Here are four of the most common signatures I come across, see if any of these sound familiar:

1. The Initialer. You only sign emails with initials: first initial only, first and last initial only, or the first, middle and last initial. My favorite letter is a little “e,” it always makes me laugh. I have also seen a double EE, which makes me think of the word “EEK!” I would like to change my name to Quinn or Quest so I can sign my emails “Q” which is infinitely more interesting that “c.” My cousin Barb S., a professional clown, can sign her emails BS. That’s fine for clowns, but certainly not the rest of us.

This is like being Keisha, Cher and Madonna–you are so popular and famous, you don’t need a full name. That’s for boring, average people. Do you think Lady GaGa signs her emails LGG or LG? Or just “ga” ? Maybe she’s “The Ga,” like The Godfather. Oh, who are we kidding, she doesn’t email, that’s for average worker bees like us. :)

2. The Tagliner. You feel compelled to include a phrase, quote or other message after your signature. Often, employed folks come up with their own snappy taglines–which makes the marketing folks roll their cynical marketing eyes and bemoan to the marketing gods, WHY?? Why do they try to write their own taglines when we have a perfectly acceptable brand tagline that we spent 700 hours and 97 rounds of review on?

The most annoying of all? The uber-positive tagline. “Have a super-duper positive absolutely best day of your life, Mr. Sunshiney Face!” Often accompanied by an emoticon smiley face. *sigh* These days, emails are mostly a big fat to-do: something you should do, something you need to do, something you will never do, or something you don’t want to do but will probably do at some point when someone sends you enough emails telling you to do it. So please, don’t tell me to be happy about it, OK?

3. The Lonely Signature. You either don’t sign your emails or you sign it with your name only–no quotes, no taglines, no info. Who are you hiding from? And why are you not taking advantage of this fabulous opportunity to tell us who you are? Oh, right, you’re a “private” person. Sorry, we missed that Facebook status update. And the tweet. And your foursquare location update. Our bad!

4. The jpeg-inator. You simply must have a .jpeg or .png photo in your email signature, despite all advice to the contrary. It could be your cat, your favorite beetle, a logo, or maybe even your entire block of Follow Us icons. So every time you send an email, the code behind those links breaks apart, resulting in this messy business:

We also see six attachments on your email, five of which are pictures while the sixth is the Very Important File you wanted us to review immediately, which we didn’t see on account of it’s buried amid five other attachments.

So go ahead. Tell us about your favorite email signature.

Sincerely, your friend in all things bloggy and brand-y and super duper fun,
c

postscript: exactly eight days after this post, my son–relatively new to cell phones and texting–sent me a text and signed it for the first time. With his first, middle and last initial. For the record, he does not read my blog.

The greatest Valentine’s Day gift: make fun of someone you love today

Published February 14, 2011 Creative Life , Essays , Fun , Social Commentary 3 Comments
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So my husband and I were having a…discussion the other day about my apparent need to tease him. Now, I don’t go out of my way to mock him. I don’t get sarcastically mean or tear him down in front of other people, nothing like that. But I do like to point out his…idiosyncracies.

For example, Hubby despises mayonnaise. He tells everyone he’s allergic to it. (We all know this is not possible.) He also despises when I defrost frozen meat in the microwave and then cook it. (He claims he can taste the difference.) These are little things, but they are the little wacky things that make him…my Hubby and not someone else’s. I am endeared by his charming quirks.

That’s exactly why I joke around with him about it. I notice these things because I love him. And how do I show affection to people I love? I make fun of then. Or rather, I make fun WITH them. It’s a long, storied family tradition. Joking around and affectionate teasing go all the way back to my grandmother on my father’s side. One of my relative’s on that side is a professional clown, for God’s sake.

Whenever I get together with my family, we all joke around, teasing each other, making fun of ourselves (we can dish it AND take it), but mostly, laughing. A lot. Of course, like a lot of people, we’ve had struggles: cancer, unemployment, marital distress, financial trouble. But we as a family have always used humor to keep us on track. To keep us sane. To make life fun no matter how dark the world may be. That’s when we all need a little lightness.

Last night, as my husband fended me off from joking about his hunt-and-peck method of typing, I told him the truth: I love you, therefore I tease you. I only reserve my joking and kidding for people I really, really care about. If I didn’t love him, I explain, I would never laugh at him OR with him. But mostly, I am trying to create that connection with him that is ingrained in me from The Family Way: when you love someone, you laugh with them. Sometimes at them, but mostly with them. :)

So this Valentine’s Day–Hallmark holiday that it is–make laughter with someone you love today.

 

When good gingerbread men go bad: how to bake the best of an awkward situation

Published December 22, 2010 Creative Families , Creative Life , Fun , Holidays Leave a Comment
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I ordered all my gifts online this year, which meant I had more time on my hands for attempting holiday-oriented crafts than in years past. My family was tentatively excited. I am not a “crafty” person, which surprises those who think creative professionals flit around in their spare time constantly dreaming up creative ways to engage our kids in “extreme” crafts that require gallons of tape, pipe cleaners, popsicle sticks, egg cartons, paper towel rolls and stick-on eyes.

Nope. As a marketing copywriter, my job is to write copy that sells stuff somebody else made. That means my brain is already chock full of video white papers, engaging social media stories and visions of high email open rates and click-throughs dancing in my head. It’s a wonderful life indeed.

I decided to try making gingerbread cookies. I can hear pastry chefs everywhere now: Christy Miles, put down the decorating tips and cookie cutters and nobody gets hurt! The baking part is easy–buy a box mix, stir together the ingredients, roll out the dough, use the cookie cutters, snap! So easy. So deceiving. Then comes the decorating part. I distributed my homemade cookies to my neighbors for the first time this year and worried that my Gingerbread Men might scare the small children. Then I thought, nah, they’re cookies, kids will eat anything with frosting. And on the upside, at least everyone would know without a doubt that the cookies weren’t store-bought.

As my holiday gift to you, here are two of my gingerbread cookies with my quick marketing analysis.

 

The Mr. Bill Gingerbread Man

When I uploaded this photo, wordpress.com asked if I wanted to add an alternate text for the image, “i.e., the Mona Lisa.” Ha ha, WordPress, very funny!

He looks scared, this Gingerbread Man. Sadly, this is how many of my Gingerbread men turned out, looking vaguely like that old Saturday Night Live puppet/play-doh man Mr. Bill. My clumsy fingers could barely place the M&Ms gently into the small dollop of icing for the buttons. One even flipped over, showing the M, which I know would never cut it in the design or pastry world, but I was too lazy to fix it. Oh, who am I kidding, this wouldn’t even make a preschool’s line-up. Next up we have…

 

Bugsy the Bug-Eyed Gingerbread Man

When I started this cookie stuff, I was seriously intent on making cute gingerbread men. I got to this guy and thought, hmm, I wonder how he would look with M&Ms for eyes? No one ever shows Gingerbread Men with M&M eyes. Now we know why.

He looks freaked out or like he’s had a bad eye lift. Or perhaps it’s a goiter? We’ll never know. My family had a wonderful holiday moment as we tried to brainstorm what ailed Bugsy. Never mind the fact that Bugsy’s buttons are touching his mouth, the poor guy has no neck. But hey, he’s smiling.

My kids also decorated Gingerbread Men and they turned out to be much more fearless in their use of color, style and approach.

Kid-Friendly Gingerbread Men

OK, so the middle one has frosting bug eyes; getting the eyes right is definitely one of the trickiest parts. But all in all, these Gingerbread Men are fun, festive, colorful and look like they were made by kids for kids. Definitely more charming than my gingerbread freaks of nature. These would get eaten for sure.

Except not at my house. No one wants to eat them now because we are having too much fun making fun of them. So we’ve decided to make up a story about each Gingerbread Man and read them out loud on Christmas.

Writing. Now that I know how to do. This is why I’m a copywriter, not a pastry chef. :)

Happy holidays, everyone. Wishing you a wildly creative Christmas and New Year!

Drinking and decorating: The anti-Martha-Stewart-Pottery-Barn Christmas tree

Published December 17, 2010 Creative Families , Creative Life , Creative Parenting , Essays , Fun , Kids , Social Commentary 8 Comments
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Two years ago, I turned over the job of decorating my Christmas tree to my kids, then ages 7 and 9. We had just moved into our “new” 54-year-old house that needed a lot of TLC and was sucking the life out of us. After months of looking for new places for our furniture, artwork, books, games, dishes, and walking into walls in unfamiliar rooms in the middle of the night and grasping for unfamiliar light switches, the thought of having to find a good place for the Christmas tree was the last straw. I sat on the floor of the house that still felt like someone else’s and cried.

This was not Christmas as I’d known it growing up. Holidays were BIG at my house and consisted of cleaning, cooking, shopping, baking, more cleaning, coordinating outfits, practicing Christmas songs on the organ (I know, right???), wrapping, more cleaning, making cookies, making pierogis, and more cleaning. My mother spent days arranging decorations in the house; she was Martha Stewart before anyone had heard of Martha Stewart.

I was never permitted to touch the “good” tree upstairs, but I was allowed to decorate the “other” tree in the basement. I call it the consolation tree. (Usually my mother would come down later and rearrange all the ornaments again anyway.) Secretly I fear I’ll never be good enough to put together the good tree.

See, that’s why the holidays are tricky. There’s all this pressure to be merry and buy stuff but it’s also fraught with memories, good and bad. Sometime after Halloween, I remember all the old family holiday parties and every year, there are a few less faces around the table. Some years are harder than others. That year in our new old house was a hard one.

So I let my kids decorate the good–the only–tree all by themselves that year, and it was so much fun we decided to make it a new Miles family tradition. We play holiday music. I make hot chocolate.  The kids dance around all hopped up on sugar cookies. They make me wear the Santa hat with the reindeer antlers. But they take their job very seriously. Each ornament is placed with great care and consideration, although I have the most random, crazy mix of ornaments you could possibly imagine. It’s enough to make Martha’s toes curl.

The reactions to their decorating efforts are usually…not good. People walk in, look at the tree and say things like, “Oh my!” or “Were you drinking and decorating again?” It makes me wonder sometimes how my mom felt when she stood back, alone, to survey her tree and the trimmings and the perfection. I would ask, but her last Christmas was 16 years ago. If she could see my tree now, she would immediately shoo me out of the room so she could fix it. I would let her do it, but only if she wore the Santa hat with the reindeer antlers, which she’d hate because it would mess up her hair.

So yeah, my tree looks disheveled and a little tipsy, kind of like me after the neighborhood holiday party–OK, all of the neighborhood parties–and the complete opposite of any tree ever featured in Pottery Barn.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Take a break from holiday shopping: Get inspired at the Frank Lloyd Wright Home & Studio Tour

Published December 11, 2010 Creative Life , Creativity Coaching , Fun , Holidays , Social Commentary , Work Life Leave a Comment
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One of the best ways to stay creative and inspired is to keep your creative pond, an idea I first heard from The Artist’s Way author Julia Cameron, well stocked with creative eye candy and experiences: art, design, poetry, music, theater, anything that makes you feel alive and in awe. It can be somewhere as vast as the Grand Canyon or your own town’s farmer’s market. It’s even better when the inspiration is free and is good for the whole family–especially during the often hectic and frenetic holidays.

Case in point: the Frank Lloyd Wright Home and Studio tour. We surprised our kids with it this morning–woke them up, said let’s go, wouldn’t tell them where, stopped for doughnuts and headed out to Oak Park for the free Family Fun Days Featuring Victorian Christmas Tours.

For kids, by kids. Free tours of Wright’s Oak Park home, decorated for the holidays. Led by Junior Interpreters, specially trained 5th through 10th grade students, the tours focus on Wright family celebrations of the Christmas holidays. Enjoy hot chocolate and holiday music in the Home and Studio courtyard and play with Froebel blocks in Wright’s drafting room.

Fortunately my kids, ages 9 and 11, get as excited about architecture and history as my husband and I, so they were in awe of the unique home that looked nothing like any of the houses in our neighborhood. There was so much to take in: the old-fashioned toys, the huge Christmas tree in the children’s playroom (which also included a special staircase that led to a balcony for the Wright children to perform plays), the old ice box, and at the end of the tour, the Froebel blocks that were made available for anyone to play with, which we all did. The free hot chocolate was the icing on the cake of a cold, rainy winter day.

While there were adult guides throughout the house, kids ranging in age from 11 to 15 or so delivered the tour of each room–complete with historical details and tales of how the Wrights spent their holidays. They were professional and knowledgeable, and it was refreshing to see pre-teens and teens in this positive role–and I was happy that my children saw this as well. It wasn’t crowded, either, which made it easier to walk around the rooms and feast on the details without feeling pressure to move over or move on.

I told the kids to bring their wallets, and they found some cool, unique toys in the museum gift shop. (I talked my daughter out of the colored pencils, which we could buy anywhere, and she found a unique window glass art kit that she liked better.) Normally we wouldn’t buy stuff so close to Christmas, but it helps support the preservation trust, so it seemed like the right thing to do, especially since the tour was free.

We all left the house inspired by the architect’s vision, his unique design philosophy, the way natural light infused every room from the beautiful windows, building our own mini-creations with simple wooden blocks, the fascinating woodwork, attention to detail right down to the paint colors–Wright preferred natural earthy colors, according to our guides.

Standing there in Wright’s home, built in 1889, surrounded by moss-green walls, warm yet worn honey wood floors and light all around, it was impossible not to feel the beauty of his vision at every turn: a home filled with light and nature, form and function, beauty and tranquility.

It sure beat hanging out at the mall this time of year. Get creative. Stay creative. Even during the holidays.

To learn more about events sponsored by the Frank Lloyd Wright Preservation Trust, visit their website.

Traveling by air? Enjoy your free TSA Enhanced Pat Down!

Published November 23, 2010 Copywriting , Fun , Social Commentary 4 Comments
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Nine New Taglines for the TSA

I am always grateful to government agencies, oil companies and politicians for giving lowly marketing copywriters like me more fodder to write about than I could ever conjure up on my own. That’s why I’m also grateful that the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is providing “enhanced pat-downs” to ensure our safety during air travel in these times of heightened security risk.

I don’t know about you, but I feel infinitely safer from terrorism now that bladder cancer survivors won’t even think about sneaking suspicious liquids into their medical devices, all thanks to the trusty TSA.

To show my gratitude, I give you my top 9 picks for new TSA taglines:

1. Sex tapes are out. Naked x-rays are in!

2. Terrorist attack or cancer from the x-ray: You have a choice!

3. T-shirt slogan: “I was inspected by TSA Agent #24.”

4. TSA: Checking every American fat roll and muffin top with pride.

5. TSA: Have you had your grope today?

6. Limited-time only: No-fee pat-downs!

7. TSA: Get your own private screening.

8. TSA: Let our fingers do the walking!

9. Wow, these are friendly skies!

Of course, you could skip the flight and drive to your destination, but then you’d miss all the fun. So if you insist on being a party pooper, enjoy this Saturday Night Live video or follow the TSA’s mock Twitter account (special thanks to the Copywriter Underground for tweeting a link). And lastly, in all fairness, here is one blog post that highlights TSA agents’ real-life reactions to providing enhanced pat-downs, which confirms that TSA agents are people too, and no, they don’t get off on touching your man boobs.

 

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11 things you never want to hear on Thanksgiving

Published November 19, 2010 Fun , Holidays 2 Comments
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It’s the Friday before the week of Thanksgiving, and you know what that means: it’s time to let our blog hair down and have a little fun. So for your entertainment, I’ve gathered the top 11 things you never want to hear upon arriving at your assigned Thanksgiving dinner–or any other time, honestly.

1. Giblets? What’s a giblet?

2. You mean there’s a bag of giblets I’m supposed to take out before I cook the turkey???

3. Guess I should have started cooking this turkey earlier, huh. (As the guests fight over a dwindling bowl of peanuts and a sad-looking veggie tray.)

4. You’ll never guess who showed up! (Said with a frozen smile and deer-in-the-headlight eyes.)

5. Grandma’s drunk and hitting on my boyfriend again!

6. Aren’t you glad we brought our dogs? They can eat all the scraps that fall on the floor, it’s like having two 90-pound vacuum cleaners!! (Punctuated with a hearty chuckle and a slap on the back of the nearest hapless victim.)

7. I gave the kids our Halloween candy leftovers to eat during the two-hour drive here; kept them pretty quiet in the car, but boy they’re raring to go now!

8. Was I supposed to bring the vegetable dish? Oopsie!

9. No food for the 9 of us, thanks. We’re still stuffed from the other house we just came from. (As you look forlornly at the 40 pounds of turkey left over that you will be eating in every conceivable recipe for the next six months.)

10. Don’t worry, you’re going to love my family! My dad just got out of prison so he’s way more mellow and my sister stopped that whole animal sacrifice thing

11. Next year it’s your turn to host Thanksgiving!

How ’bout you? What’s the worst thing you’ve ever heard or never want to hear on Thanksgiving?

TV commercials as mirror: is this really who we are and what we’re about?

Published November 3, 2010 Brand , Fun , Marketing , Social Commentary 3 Comments
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How is technology changing society? Just look to marketing, especially TV commercials. Writers often write stories that reflect back what they see around them–prevalent attitudes, culture, changes, issues. Marketers do this too, but unlike writers who try to make a point, change our minds or get us talking and thinking differently, marketers (like me) are trying to sell you stuff. Some of the time, some of us get it right.

And then there are commercials like this one for the new Windows Phone 7.

The first time I saw it, it got my attention. The music was compelling and built up a great crescendo to match the action. The people were so distracted, I caught myself smirking. So true! So ironic! So sad! And so universal–we all know “someone” who is permanently attached to their phone in an unhealthy way. We’re a distracted nation.

Microsoft took that reality and exaggerated the truth even further, showing people crashing into each other, sitting on each other, picking up a phone out of a urinal (yuck). We’re all tripping, falling, ignoring each other, tuning out of our lives and the people around us. The point Microsoft makes is..wow, what a nation of clumsy distracted idiots we are! Look how stupid we look!

Uh huh. And you want me to buy WHAT?

The cheapest shot of all was the saccharine sweet little girl at the end, which is meant to strike fear and guilt in the hearts of parents and grandparents everywhere because we are clearly ruining the next generation. And the solution to all of this guilt, clumsiness, distraction and stupidity?

Why, it’s Windows Phone 7! The phone that will save us (and our children!) from our phones and ourselves. That’s a tall order for a mobile phone. It must have super powers. Except we’re not sure how the Windows Phone 7 will save us because no proof is provided–no benefits, no super powers, no unique design, no competitive advantages.

Does this mean there are none? After all, Windows Phone 7 is…a phone. We will still be just as likely to trip, fall, walk into someone, sit on someone or drive off the road while using this phone as much as any other. I’m not sure if anyone would dive into the urinal to get this phone–an iPhone, maybe.

In my humble opinion, this is a great example of how NOT to market to people. Sure, it’s funny to watch people do stupid things. But in the end, Microsoft is pointing out our flaws. Mocking us. And trying to sell us something on top of it.

Compare this to the HP ePrinter Happy Baby commercial.

Disclaimer: I have kids, but I’m a marketer, so by default, I’m immune to babies, puppies, kittens and Hallmark commercials. But I like this ad because:

1. It’s a simple, well-executed concept. The idea is clearly embedded in our minds through visuals and simple dialogue: send your “baby” to the printer anywhere, right from your phone.  I say “baby” in quotes because some people’s “babies’ are their cars, their dogs or their puppet collection. Way to make it universal! This is a short, well-told story. As we say in fiction, “Show don’t tell.” This commercial nailed it.

2. It surprised and intrigued me. Very few things surprise me anymore, but the first time I saw this commercial, I stopped what I was doing. Why? The baby is cute but in a regular kid way, not the stereotypical Gerber baby way. The imagery consisted of simple visuals–baby and road scenes–juxtaposed in an unexpected way. Love that. It’s creative without trying too hard.

3. The tune set the right tone. Many of the YouTube commenters complained about the music. You’ll never please all the people all the time, but as far as I’m concerned, the music has just the right upbeat tempo for the action and adds just the right touch of whimsy.

4. It’s a positive reflection of…me! Unlike Windows Phone 7, this commercial says “technology” and “innovation”without making me feel like a doofus in the process. Gold star, HP!

I’m a big proponent of keeping things positive–especially in marketing. It requires strategic thinking, diplomacy, creativity and above all, common sense. If you want me to love your brand and buy your product, don’t show me what an idiot I am. Show me how your brand fits me and how will it make my life better. You really can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Honey.

No Halloween costume? No worries! All you need is sarcasm and a smile.

Published October 28, 2010 Creative Life , Creative Writing , Fun , Holidays 4 Comments
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You may remember the Lawn Lady, a gigantic lawn statue in front of a house in town. Last time we saw her, she was wearing a Cubs/Sox outfit. Now she’s in the spirit of the season in her Halloween costume. I have no idea what it is, but it sure is festive.

Speaking of which, what are you going to be for Halloween? Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who “don’t believe” in dressing up, where’s the fun in that! You don’t have any ideas, you say? No money for costumes? You’re allergic to craft projects? No problem! I’ve whipped up a few suggestions that are all 100% free, so you don’t need a crappy, overpriced store-bought costume or good craft genes. Here we go:

1. Be your boss. At work. What the heck, be your boss for the whole day! Get to work early, sit at his desk, take her meetings and calls, walk around the office muttering and bossing people around with inane orders like, “Fix those damn GPS reports!” and “Who scheduled the meeting I cancelled to discuss the meeting about last week’s meeting?” and “Powerpoints! We NEED MORE POWERPOINTS!” Eat other people’s lunches out of the fridge. Eat all the Halloween candy. You’re the boss, go for broke! Before you get fired.

2. Be your dog. Wear a spike collar and a retractable leash. Bark. Chase your co-workers. Bark. Chase your imaginary tail. Bark. Chase squirrels. Chase your tail again. Whine to go out. Whine to come in. Get a squeaky dog toy and squeak it every 5 seconds for 20 seconds. Whine to go out again. Pee on your neighbor’s lawn. Whine to come back in. No humping or butt sniffing, though. You want to have fun, not end up in jail.

3. Be your cat. Wear a collar with a little bell. Lick your hands. Repeatedly. Stare at people when they stare at you licking your hands. Lick your hands some more. Ignore people. Hiss at random and unexpected moments, like when people wish you a good morning or happy Halloween or when the cashier hands you your change. To really take it up a notch, cover yourself in cat nip. (Disclaimer: Author is not responsible for…whatever might happen to you.)

4. Be your kids. Talk like them, dress like them, whine like them. If they are young, be goofy. Wear their shoes on your hands, strap on a couple of diapers in odd places. Wrap a bib on your head. Wear six shirts at once and put your pants on backwards. If they are teenagers, it’s even easier–just be more of yourself than usual, they will be MORTIFIED.

If you’re a perfectionist go-getter, take it to the next level. Wear their clothes and shoes, keep their phone in one ear, music player in the other, plaster a sullen look on your face and say, “I’m bored” 100 times. Roll your eyes. Smirk. Roll your eyes again. Leave your dirty dishes in the sink and your dirty clothes on the floor in their room. Follow them around the house begging them to drive you places and give you money. Roll your eyes. It’s payback time!

5. Be extra enthusiastic. This one is super easy. All day long, be super positive, super happy, super perky, super fun. In fact, say the word “super” a lot. Other words that work: excellent, definitely, absolutely, you bet. End every sentence with a question: “It’s a beautiful day, right?” or, “Are you going to eat the rest of that pickle, isn’t it fabulous?”

Hand out compliments for everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. “Nice cuticles! Cute mole! Wow, what interesting ears you have.” Be positive and cheer on your fellow humans in every endeavor: “Way to walk down the bus aisle and not fall flat on your face!” Offer cheerful predictions at every turn: “That cigarette is going to kill you. But not today!”

If you make it to the end of the day without getting fired, sniffed, licked, Facebooked or smacked, well, bless your heart and have a happy Halloween.

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