11 things you never want to hear on Thanksgiving

It’s the Friday before the week of Thanksgiving, and you know what that means: it’s time to let our blog hair down and have a little fun. So for your entertainment, I’ve gathered the top 11 things you never want to hear upon arriving at your assigned Thanksgiving dinner–or any other time, honestly.

1. Giblets? What’s a giblet?

2. You mean there’s a bag of giblets I’m supposed to take out before I cook the turkey???

3. Guess I should have started cooking this turkey earlier, huh. (As the guests fight over a dwindling bowl of peanuts and a sad-looking veggie tray.)

4. You’ll never guess who showed up! (Said with a frozen smile and deer-in-the-headlight eyes.)

5. Grandma’s drunk and hitting on my boyfriend again!

6. Aren’t you glad we brought our dogs? They can eat all the scraps that fall on the floor, it’s like having two 90-pound vacuum cleaners!! (Punctuated with a hearty chuckle and a slap on the back of the nearest hapless victim.)

7. I gave the kids our Halloween candy leftovers to eat during the two-hour drive here; kept them pretty quiet in the car, but boy they’re raring to go now!

8. Was I supposed to bring the vegetable dish? Oopsie!

9. No food for the 9 of us, thanks. We’re still stuffed from the other house we just came from. (As you look forlornly at the 40 pounds of turkey left over that you will be eating in every conceivable recipe for the next six months.)

10. Don’t worry, you’re going to love my family! My dad just got out of prison so he’s way more mellow and my sister stopped that whole animal sacrifice thing

11. Next year it’s your turn to host Thanksgiving!

How ’bout you? What’s the worst thing you’ve ever heard or never want to hear on Thanksgiving?


2 thoughts on “11 things you never want to hear on Thanksgiving

  1. After waiting a reasonable (they have kids) hour for one spoke of the family to arrive, you receive a text message saying, “on our way :-)”. They, of course, live an hour away.

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