Enter “Happiness” into Google Maps: Where Will You End Up?

Sunset landscape

 

There is something about
Watching an orange sherbet sunset
framed by weeping willows
Sink quietly into darkness
that soothes the soul
(despite the weeping)

There is something about
Walking on eggshells
that changes you
Cheats you
Damages you
Shames you
Silences you
(did you know you could live your whole life like that?)

Being told
Don’t tell
Don’t cry
Don’t question
Don’t feel
Don’t be you
(how long exactly does it take for a heart to die?)

There is something about
Seeing the pain in your children’s eyes
Trying so hard to help them see what you missed
until it was too late
(please tell me I did not fuck them up too badly)
Wanting to protect them from
everything
(please know I am trying so very hard, child, to right all the wrongs)

There is something about
Pain so deep
it makes you want to die
Until one day you wake up and realize
You want to live more
But you are alone
You have no idea where to start

Being knocked down so many times
You think you belong there
on the floor
on your hands and knees
like a dog
But deep down
you know better
you get up
you get mad
You swear you will never
let anyone or anything make you feel like that again

and then one day
when you are ready
you leave

There is something about
Watching an orange sherbet sunset
framed by weeping willows
Sink quietly into darkness
that soothes the soul
(despite the weeping)

Silence
Sitting with the feelings
No matter how painful
Trusting it will pass
If you can just hang on
You will not drown
No one ever drowned
from feeling
(did they?)

Remembering who you used to be before
everything

There is something about
Believing in yourself
because it’s all you have left
Because no one knows
everything
Moving forward when you feel like you can’t and you
just keep driving, no destination
Enter “Happiness” into Google maps
(where will you end up?)

There is something about
Learning to
Accept who you are and what’s been done

Love yourself
(no matter what you were told)

Let go of
everything

Forgive
or not

How to just
be
(you)There is something about

Creating something out of nothing
Gathering
everything
Transforming it into
Art, story, life
(your voice?)
Trying to make meaning
of things you can never explain or understand
without metaphors, color or white space
(art or life preserver?)

There is something about
Finding your voice
Building the courage to use it
that changes
everything

There is something about
Watching an orange sherbet sunset
framed by weeping willows
Sink quietly into darkness
that soothes the soul
(despite the weeping)

Realizing half your life is behind you
Yet there is so much more
ahead

There is something about all of this
I think it is called
freedom

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Enter “Happiness” into Google Maps: Where Will You End Up?

  1. Love this, Christy! Makes me want to lay down, cry and hug you and then stand up and sing with you! I hope this journey called life brings you your freedom.

  2. thanks fairel 🙂 this story feels like it could belong to anyone who’s been on the road for awhile and had a few flats or crashes along the way. i hope your journey is going well!!

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