It’s been a week. Already. And it’s only Tuesday. 🙂 Have you ever had a string of days where you thought, what the ?? Yeah. It was that.
In the last week, my only work computer crapped out and had to be restored from scratch. The furnace crapped out. The storm door broke. The back porch drain backed up. Been cleaning up water from all the April Chicago rain for days. The only toilet in the house backed up. Seriously.
I should tell you that the plumber took great pleasure in ripping reams of toilet paper off the roll and throwing it with great flourish into the toilet to show me – okay, I have no idea what. I’m sure there was a point there but I still fail to see it. He did it three times!! All I could think was – do you know how expensive toilet paper is?? And how much of it we go THROUGH in a week??? He asked me five million questions. I was starting to think I should have just looked this up on YouTube and did it myself when he asked me for a wire hanger. I’m like – um, you have a guy standing right next to you and two vans outside – you don’t have a tool or something? They laughed. I got the hanger. I’ve never met such a needy plumber, for God’s sake.
Add in dogs puking, the old one having accidents in the house and both getting April rainy mud all over the house; driving kids back and forth to school three times a day every day between pick up and drop off, soccer practice and games, taking my son to work (his license comes in June – YES!!)…yeah. All that. Oh, and work. And all that that implies.
You know what I’m talking about.
Everyone. But a special shout out to single, full-time moms and dads, whether you’re stay at home, work at home, work and home, whatever. It’s a tough road. It’s all you. All the time. You get a bit of a break here and there. But you’re never really “off,” are you? Because the kids come first.
Yes, that’s what parenting is all about. Yes, we signed up for it. Everyone told us “your life will change” in hushed tones after the congratulations over the pregnancy announcement. They warned us. But you don’t really know until you’re like, knee deep in life and work shit and you look up and you realize – wait. I have no life. Where did it go? When do I get that back again? And more importantly, where are my damn glasses??
But you have to take time for you, to recharge your batteries.
For me, it’s this blog. So thank you for reading, commenting, sharing, and liking it. I am self-employed and work from home so this blog is like my lifeline to the outside world. I love to hear from you and hear your story. As a writer, connection is everything. Knowing (and hearing or reading) that your words resonated with someone else is like – nirvana. I mean, what’s the point of all of this if we don’t share it? Find some meaning in the crazy? If we can get a few laughs along the way, all the better.
I always know I’m on the other side of something when I can put the funny spin on it. I’m all about the spin, baby.
So I want to tell you about tonight.
The funk was settling in. Deep. Even bad reality TV, journaling, candles, Tiny Buddha articles and gratitude exercises couldn’t shake this funky funk. Juggling 70 millions plates, to-do lists, and multiple schedules (with only one driver) gets old. I’m human! I’m old! I get tired! I wonder – am I ever going to have a life again? Dating? What’s that again??
It all hit me all at once.
I don’t wanna say I was wallowing. Because we all have those moments (right??) where we feel like “it” is too much. Life. Work. Kids. Everything. One nail in a truck tire can derail the whole day. Oh, wait, that was two weeks ago.
So I was wallowing.
Eh. It was needed. We all get to splash around once in awhile. But you gotta snap out of it because people need to eat dinner and get to work and phone calls need to be returned (why can’t they email or text like NORMAL people??), the dogs need to go out…
And then two things happened.
First, my fifteen-year-old daughter told me over our spaghetti dinner that she was bragging about me and my work at her lunch table. (Blush – I was lunch table talk worthy!) And then she told me that I was like Super Woman. I almost choked on a noodle. I told her my biggest fear was the day she realized I wasn’t anything even remotely close. She just stared at me like I was crazy. The day I was having – I tried to believe it as much as she did. I needed to believe it.
Magical thinking exists for a reason. It gets you through the tough, gloomy, non-stop rainy days.
Disclaimer: She has also taken to telling me that I am “savage.” Like it is a good thing. We’ll go with it’s a good thing.
Second, I picked up my seventeen-year-old son tonight from his job. I let him drive since he needs to earn hours to get that license. (I’d told him earlier that I was having one of those days. No reason. Just ‘cuz. He gave me a hug.) When he came out to the car, one of my favorite songs that I haven’t heard in FOREVER was playing. I was sitting in the passenger seat, dancing in my seat. I was so happy to hear that damn song. He got in and started driving super slow. I was like, “Okay, what’s up with turtle speed?” He said, “I’m driving slow so you can keep dancing. Go on. Dance, Mom.” He looked so proud to be driving his mom so she could enjoy her song.
Turned this shit day of mine right around.
Confession: I have no idea what I’m doing half the time.
Well, I kinda do. I have a vision, right? It’s the execution that falls apart sometimes. I give my kids what I wish I never got; I give them everything I did get and everything I can afford to give them. I marinate them in my love, time, and attention because it’s free and it’s what they need most. Especially as teens. It’s important for them and it’s important to me. I can catch up on my life later. I do the best I can on any given day, despite the puking dog, flat tire, crapped out furnace, needy plumber, broken door or lost client.
I show up every day. I may not be Super Woman every day. But I’m there, dammit. Even on days like today when I wonder, does it matter? Any of it??
And then – they do or say something. Like tonight. And I feel like everything is right with the world again. Like somehow, I must be doing something right somewhere. Maybe it is magical thinking. I don’t care. I need it. It keeps me going. It makes me want to keep dancing to that song. Stay up late. Write this story. Because honestly, I don’t know what the hell will break down tomorrow. It might be me lol.
But not tonight. Tonight, I am happy. I want to hold onto it. And share it with you.
Christy “Savage” Miles
PS My happy song. Enjoy.