True Love: I Never Saw It Coming, Baby

I loved you child

From the moment I knew of you

*
I was there for your first

Breath

Word

Step

First mashed bananas

Smeared on your soft, plump cheeks

The whole body shudder

At your first taste of peas

I ate them first, said yum!

So you ate them too

Then spit them right out

I laughed

I remember

Your baby giggle

Your tiny, gentle fingers

Reaching for my smile

*

I was there

For every heart

Ache

Break

Boys, school, friends, wins

Losses

Seeing it in the slump of your shoulders

The weight of the world

In every word you

Never had to say

*

I was there

Telling you what you needed to

Know

Don’t forget your key

Put a jacket on I’m cold just looking at you

The boy always comes to the door to get you

The boy always opens the door for a lady

Hang up your bath towel so it doesn’t get mildewed

Put the toothpick in the center of the cake

To make sure it’s done

Use a Q-Tip, girl, to clean up your eyeliner

If it smudges

Yes, boy, you have to wear deodorant

Yes, boy, every day

Look the other person in the eyes

When you shake hands

Shake like you mean it

When you apologize

Say it like you mean it

Buckle your seat belt

Take the turns 

Slow

*

I was there for all of it, I know

I remember every day like

One lazy, never-ending river

Was there ever a time

Without you?

*

Now you tell me you know

Because I’ve already told you

I tell you again

I say it’s not for you

It’s for me

I’m old

I forget stuff

We laugh

I remember the tenderness

of your baby fingers

on my cheek

*

I loved you child

From the moment I knew of you

Funny, it’s hard to find love

Yet with the mere knowledge of you

My heart

Grew

*

Living every day

Thinking of you

Worrying about you

Making the sandwiches

Picking up the towels

Washing the clothes

Cooking the dinners

Wiping away the tears

Calming the fears

Driving you wherever

You need to go

*

The hardest thing

I’ve ever had to do

Is hold you

Soothing not solving

While you cried in my arms

Holding your hurt in my heart

As if it were my own

My hands always outstretched

To catch you

If you fall

*

Seasons are changing

We stand together

Side by side on the ledge

Look down at the water

Clear yet deep

Look at each other

Count to three

Jump

*

You still call me Mommy

I still say “What-ee?”

We both still giggle

*

I loved you, child

From the moment I knew of you

I will love you

Always

Forever

Just because you’re you

Mommy

Tonight’s musical inspiration from my friend Ben. It has just the right tempo for what I was trying to say. It was a beautiful day here in Chicago today, sunny and 75 degrees, a rare treat this time of year. I wanted to go to sleep early. But this. Turning in the back of my mind for days. Trying to find the words, the shape, the form. The music helps me find it. Frame it. Tell the story that needs to be told. It’s raining a little as I read this again. Refine. Listen to what my heart wants to say. Make sure the words are honest and true.