Simplify your words. Simplify your life.

Do you ever feel like life has just gotten way too complicated? Between juggling 98 work projects, 5 conference calls daily, piano lessons, soccer practices and games, carpool, birthday parties, lunches and dinners for a family of four 7 days a week, dog groomings/shots/weird emergencies (MOM! The dog ate the nail clippers!! Again!!), kid emergencies (middle of the night throwing up, strange rashes, best friend drama, teen drama, crushes), homework assignments, permission slips, parent-teacher conferences, 400 email passwords, and 4 email inboxes bursting at the seams…let me just tell you that a ‘simple’ trip down the laundry detergent aisle of my local grocery store with 17 different detergent options made me recently abandon my shopping cart (there were no cold products in it, I’m happy to say) and walk out to my car and just put my head down on my steering wheel for five full minutes.

Continue reading “Simplify your words. Simplify your life.”

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The day the webmaster died: 9 crazy deadline personalities

I’ve seen a lot of crazy in my 20+ years in the marketing biz as a creative professional. But when a conversation begins, “Hello, our webmaster died,” you know you’re looking at a whole different level of crazy. Here’s how it went down, according to my design friend Susan:

“True story 1:30pm yesterday, a client I haven’t heard from in months calls up out of the blue and says, ‘Our webmaster died last year. How much would it cost to take down our site, create a new one and add e-commerce before our event in 10 days?’ I ask, what’s your budget? The client replies, ‘We don’t have one but we need to spend as little as possible.’ “

No matter how much you love your work, we could all do without the deadline nightmares. While there  are those tough people are very good at saying no to unreasonable requests, many of us are afraid to say no lest we be labeled “uncooperative.” Frankly, nowadays it feels a little nuts to say no, no matter how crazy the deadline.

I have compiled this list of the worst deadline personalities because, as much as we may like our clients or colleagues, they drive us insane by the insanity of their deadlines. Whether you freelance or work full-time, you’ll recognize them–hopefully they are not you.

The Five O’Clock Shadow. This client or colleague waits until 4:58 sharp, right as you’re packing up to leave, to call or stop by and “give you a heads up” on a new project or the revisions you’ve been waiting for all day long.

The Bait and Switch. This project starts out small, quick or easy and before you know it, it evolves into a full-blown campaign with multiple components, themes, versions, viral videos, t-shirts and billboards. which means you would have approached it completely differently from the start. And it’s all still due tomorrow. This can also happen when the two-week due date flies out the window when you get the call, “We need it tomorrow.”

The Bargain Hunter. Budgets are tight these days, but these folks have come to think of creative work as “Let’s Make a Deal.” Your estimate is merely a starting point in the negotiation. Others think you are trying to rip them off. No matter what you charge, it’s always too much.

The UnderEstimator. To these folks, your job doesn’t require time, effort or expertise–perhaps you could be replaced by an intern or a monkey. Or they don’t quite understand what is entailed to execute a particular creative project. So they see nothing wrong with asking you to complete a six-week project in six days. When you explain exactly what is entailed in the scope, they are genuinely shocked–then they blink and say, “So, tomorrow then?”

The DIY. The do-it-yourselfer is convinced that they don’t need to pay someone to do something they can do themselves. These folks have not come to appreciate that while yes, everyone can use photoshop, not everyone is a graphic designer. Or that just because you can write doesn’t mean you can write a compelling sales pitch.

The Fiddler. They can’t leave well enough alone. They fiddle with the colors. Question the shape of the text box. Pick and fuss at the logo until it looks like a cat ate it and coughed it up as a hairball. They are endless “tweakers” of copy, changing words and phrases here and there, and there, and here, then making wholesale paragraph changes, or worse, rewriting everything on the final review, until suddenly you realize you are on Round 18 of revisions and you only budgeted for three.

The Spontaneous Genius. These are the creative sparks that pop up the day before an event or meeting that was humming along UNTIL…someone has an absolutely brilliant idea that, in normal people time, would require a team, equipment and a class or two. Instead, all you get is a “go for it!”, a mad search of how-to videos on YouTube and one all-nighter. When the clock is ticking and you hear things like, “Hey, I know!” or “Here’s an idea!”, RUN. You’re about to be hit with spontaneous genius.

The Mystery Meat Special. The conversation goes something like this: “We need something designed, we don’t have the details yet, but how fast can you get it done and how much will it cost?” Huh???

Brain Freeze. Whether you’ve had the project for 5 days or 5 minutes, sometimes your brain just…dies. Every idea you manage to come up with sucks and you start to wonder if it’s time to consider a career change. Ditch digger and Walmart Greeter comes to mind. This can happen because of any of the crazy deadline personalities above, but sometimes it just happens for no damn good reason. That’s when you call a trusted cohort and vent until you are laughing again and then the idea comes and you are relieved because you still have “it.” Until the next brain freeze.

Go ahead. Vent. What’s your worst deadline horror story?