The other day, my *almost* sixteen-year-old daughter read to me out loud her response to one of the questions on an assignment in her advanced English class. The question was:
“Who or what has had the biggest impact on the development of your voice?”
Me [best attempt at no expression]: “Ooh!!! Good question.”
Me [inside]: ME!! PLEASE SAY ME!! But it might not be me. Shit, I don’t have a poker face, Christy, get it together here!! If it’s not you, you don’t want to make her feel bad. Whatever she says is fine, whoever it is. OH PLEASE LET IT BE ME!!
I’ve been having a lot of conversations lately with people about selfishness vs. selflessness. When I asked one friend why we surround ourselves with selfish people, she said, “Because the planet might implode if you and I act like that. Or not.” When I told another friend about changes I was making in my life, she said, “Hmm. That sounds…selfish.” Another friend in a bad situation tells me that she has come to a solution: she will just be completely selfless and then everyone will be happy.
Here’s what counseling has taught me: a person can only be completely selfless for so long before they implode and go to the dark (selfish) side. And do something they will regret because they are so NOT selfish people at heart. The problem is, you don’t realize the price you pay when you give up your own needs and wants for someone else’s. So what to do?
Someone I used to trust once told me that you have to know what you want. I spent a year trying to figure that out and always came up against a brick wall. I couldn’t figure out why. Until now.
How can you know what you want if you don’t know who you are?
It’s not just about what you want. That is starting in the wrong place.